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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29550822">Graveyard Whistling</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/browney3dgirl6/pseuds/browney3dgirl6'>browney3dgirl6</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>4X4 &amp; 4X5, Best Friends, Canon Compliant, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Christopher Diaz is a Sweetheart, Eddie Diaz Comforts Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz Takes Care of Evan "Buck" Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mentioned Firehouse 118 Crew (9-1-1 TV), Mild Smut, POV Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), POV Evan "Buck" Buckley, Pre-Relationship Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Protective Firehouse 118 Crew (9-1-1 TV), Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Song Lyrics, Upset Evan "Buck" Buckley, Worried Eddie Diaz, and, buddie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:27:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,439</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29550822</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/browney3dgirl6/pseuds/browney3dgirl6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Episodes 4X4 &amp; 4X5 but with missing scenes</p><p> </p><p>or the shameless rewrite of these episodes with Buddie because this is how it should've been...change my mind</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>333</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Graveyard Whistling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm stupidly in love with these two idiots and I just had to write another fic about them after this weeks episode! This is longer than I planned on and it's all self indulgent...ooops 🙃</p><p>Title and lyrics from the song by Nothing But Thieves. </p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Buck </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Let it take you under, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>feel your worries disappear.’</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>It wasn’t until he pulled up in front of the house that he’d realized where his mind had taken him. He’d been driving around aimlessly for hours with no ending in sight.</p><p>Cutting the engine, he sat there in his jeep, feeling empty and more alone than he had his entire life. He could’ve cared less that his parents had been lying to him for all these years; they didn’t mean anything to him—not at the moment.</p><p>But Maddie? <em>Maddie.</em></p><p>She was his first best friend and the person he’d always been able to count on; they always had each other.</p><p>Back when they were kids, Maddie had always taken care of him; she <em>always</em> made sure he felt loved. Maddie taught him how to ride a bike, then cleaned up his bruises after. She consistently stuck up for him, even when he didn’t deserve it. There was the time he fell out of the tree, then fell off his makeshift skateboard ramp, or the time when he crashed his motorcycle; Maddie was the one who was there for all of those, picking him up and taking care of him—literally <em>and</em> figuratively.</p><p>Not this time though; this time it was Maddie who had let him down. He couldn’t seek comfort in her anymore and he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to again. All those pinky promises they’d made over the years had been broken tonight; he wasn’t sure if they’d ever really meant anything to begin with.</p><p>Buck couldn’t feel <em>anything</em>. He was still too numb from the past that was revealed only hours ago, kept secret from him for twenty-nine years.</p><p>He could picture the hurt in Maddie’s eyes as he had stormed out, and still, he felt <em>nothing</em>. His hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, his knuckles turning white as he squeezed harder.</p><p>How could his family hide this from him for <em>all</em> these years? All he was to them was a replacement; when he didn’t work the way they hoped he would they were stuck with him, just like Buck was stuck now.</p><p>The night after he’d poured his heart out to his parents, there was only <em>one </em>person who had been brave enough to approach him the next morning as his fists flew into the bag, one angry punch after another.</p><p>~</p><p>“<em>Did you say anything that wasn’t true?” His best friend looked to him sincerely, waiting for him to answer. “No, but—”</em></p><p>
  <em>Eddie eyed him carefully before responding. “What do you have to apologize for?” Eddie had said it so calm and simply that Buck lost sight of his anger for a split second.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eddie continued on, telling him if that was how he felt, he had every right to say so. Buck had cut him off quickly, telling him that he didn’t need <strong>anymore </strong>therapy. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>All Buck had wanted to do in that moment was hit things; it was the only way he knew to take the pain away. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When he’d swung out aggressively to punch the bag again, Eddie stopped him, saying he’d been down that road before and didn’t recommend it. Even in his anger, Buck remembered the time Eddie had tried out ‘fight-club’; it hadn’t gone over well and Buck hated seeing Eddie hurting himself. So, while he could understand Eddie was trying to tell him the same, it wasn’t quite registering in his current state of mind. The thought fell short when his phone rang—Maddie, <strong>again</strong>.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His fists slammed into the bag again and he kicked a foot out in sync. As Eddie walked away, he felt a loneliness seeping through, not to be replaced by anyone else.  </em>
</p><p>~</p><p>Flashforward to now; he had just been with Maddie hours earlier, where he learned about the big family secret.</p><p>He wished he never would’ve picked up that stupid baby box of hers, then maybe he wouldn’t feel so betrayed by the <em>one </em>person he knew was always on his side.</p><p>His fingers drifted toward the handle, and he slowly pulled his jeep door open, stepping out calmly. The steps to the front door seemed to go on forever as he put one foot in front of the other mechanically. Reaching a hand up, he knocked softly and waited.</p><p>He tucked his top lip over his bottom as the door opened, his hands laying awkwardly at his sides. The other man greeted him casually, a slight question in his voice; “Buck? I know it’s late, but why’d you knock?” Buck shrugged his shoulders absently. Eddie looked him over carefully, “Did you forget your key?”  Buck hadn’t even thought about it if he was being honest; his nerves were shot. Not like he would’ve been able to calm them enough to insert a key anyway.</p><p>It wasn’t until he was sitting on the couch that he realized he’d moved inside; Eddie sat on the coffee table in front of him, a weary look spread across his face.</p><p>“Hey, talk to me. What’s wrong?” Just hearing Eddie’s voice soothed him; he closed his eyes to take it in. Moisture pricked out from his closed lids. A gentle thumb was there to quickly wipe them away. Buck flinched at the sudden contact, brining his hand up to grasp the other man’s wrist. Eddie stayed as he was, calmly whispering, “It’s ok Buck. It’s just me.” Buck leaned into his touch slightly before pulling away and resting his head back on the cushion.</p><p>“I have,” Buck corrected himself quickly, “<em>had</em> a brother.”</p><p>He could see Eddie pull his brows together, though he remained silent as Buck gathered his thoughts.</p><p>“I was just a baby when he…when he died.” Buck bit at the inside of his cheek to keep his teeth from chattering. He blew out a heated breath before continuing; “He had leukemia. I was just a replacement baby to fix him, but I fucked that up, just like I do with everything.”</p><p>Eddie brought a hand to his thigh, squeezing firmly until he gained Bucks eye contact. “Buck, you’re <em>not</em> a fuck-up. And nobody is replaceable, especially <em>you</em>.”</p><p>He wanted to believe Eddie’s words, he really did, but the hurt was still too fresh.</p><p>As Eddie’s fingers lingered on his thigh, Buck imagined slamming their lips together as he let all of his feelings fade into Eddie.</p><p>His thoughts were all over the place; he couldn’t kiss Eddie, his <em>best</em> friend. Panic set in and his heart began to race. He couldn’t catch his breath and his vision was starting to blur. The only thing he could hear was Eddie’s soothing voice as his mind raced from one thought to the next.</p><p>When he opened his eyes again, his breathing had slowed and there were not one, but <em>two</em> worried faces looking back at him.</p><p>“Christopher?”</p><p>The little boy nodded slowly, “I had a bad dream so I went to find daddy. Did you have a bad dream too?” Eddie smiled softly at Buck from behind his son. Buck nodded his head slowly, “Yea, just a bad dream buddy. I’m ok now.”</p><p>Christopher slid from his dad’s lap until he found Bucks, curling into him closely. Tears pricked at his eyes again, but not from pain or sadness. Eddie brushed over his son’s cheeks lightly as he began to fade into sleep once more.</p><p> The last thing Buck remembered before falling asleep was Eddie’s steady hand rubbing across his temple right before placing a chaste kiss over his mark.</p><p>~</p><p>He woke up early in the morning; Christopher and Eddie were still asleep further into the house. His eyes stung from the dried tears and his body still felt achingly numb.</p><p>Buck needed a distraction, so he decided to head to the firehouse early. It was just him for awhile and some of the stragglers from night crew. By the time the members of the 118 began to arrive, Buck had cleaned up the kitchen, a couple of their trucks, and various other things around the station. It kept his hands and mind busy, for a while anyway.</p><p>Hen and Bobby were sitting at the dining table, while Buck stood in front of them, spitting out bits of the night before. He was fuming all over again and couldn’t stop the vile words from tumbling out.</p><p>Stories from his childhood were on the tip of his tongue when Eddie reached the top of the stairs, taking a seat next to Hen. Their eyes locked for a moment before Buck continued with the story about one of his many childhood injuries. Eddie chimed in first, “This explains <em>so</em> much about you.” Followed quickly by Hen who said, “It’s a miracle that you even <em>survived</em> childhood.” Eddie chuckled adding, “It’s a miracle he survived <em>yesterday</em>.”</p><p>Neither Buck nor Eddie missed the hitch in Eddie’s voice after mentioning last night. At any rate, Buck appreciated their attempt at humor and trying to lighten the situation. Even so, the bile rose in his throat, threatening to pour out at any moment.</p><p>No matter what kind of trouble he got into as a kid, it never gained his parents attention—not for long anyway. He voiced this to his team, stating it didn’t matter anyway since he was only made for parts, defective ones at that.</p><p>Eddie looked to him, a sadness from last night playing in his eyes, “Hey, that’s not on you.” For a moment he was back at Eddie’s house with Eddie’s palm rested securely against him.</p><p>The moment faded quickly, and he was right back to spitting out self-hatred.</p><p>“Yea well, doubt they’d agree with that.” His teammates tried to assure him that he mattered too and that Daniel wasn’t his parents only son. Buck looked to Bobby, finding more empathy and affection in his eyes than he’d <em>ever</em> received from his own father.</p><p>A weak smile fell from his face, the smugness returning quickly. “Sure. Sure, I matter. Just not to them.”</p><p>The three of them looked to Buck helplessly, frowns creasing their faces. Eddie looked like he was about to come to his defense when a voice behind them sounded, “Sorry I’m late Cap.”</p><p>
  <em>Chimney. </em>
</p><p>He asked Buck if they could talk in private. Buck erupted into a crude mocking voice; everyone already knew the sad-fucked-up story of his life, no need to pretend to protect him now.</p><p>Of course, the next thing out of Chimney’s mouth had to do with Maddie and that he ‘<em>needed to call her</em>’.</p><p>Buck couldn’t deal with any of this shit right now, especially his sister. He went down the stairs rapidly, not caring what anyone thought; he would talk to Maddie and Chimney when he was ready.</p><p>As he was doing some last-minute tiding up, Maddie appeared in the mirror, standing behind him; looked like he wasn’t going to get any breaks today.</p><p>Bucks blues immediately glared as he began to walk in the opposite direction. Maddie cried out, “Please just give me a chance to expl—” Buck turned back,  cutting her off harshly, “<em>twenty-nine </em>years, why is it now suddenly<em> such an emergency</em>?” He lifted his arms for emphasis, letting them fall to his side deftly.</p><p>Maddie tried again, “Because you won’t talk to me, and you’re here working when you probably shouldn’t be.”</p><p>No. She didn’t get to take this from him too. <em>Everything</em> had been ripped out from underneath him these past two days, and he could handle that, but he was <em>not </em>giving up his job—for anything.</p><p>His voice rang out again, bitter and choppy, “<em>We </em>were supposed to be a team. <em>Me and you</em>. Turns out it was the <em>three </em>of you against <em>me</em> the <em>whole </em>time.”</p><p>The same hurt from the prior day spread across Maddie’s face, deepening when he added on, “You’re not here for me, you’re here to make <em>yourself</em> feel better.”</p><p>The bell sounded from above and Buck turned away, leaving his sister to herself, just like she’d been doing to him all these years.</p><p>Eddie eyed him carefully from his seat across the way and Buck suddenly felt naked as if Eddie could read all of his flaws. Bucked looked away quickly; he didn’t need anyone’s pity attention.</p><p>~</p><p>They arrived on scene shortly, a massive fire ablaze on a warehouse building.</p><p>There were two other teams already on the scene hard at work. Bobby gave them the spiel, telling them to gear up and stand by for their assignments.</p><p>A hand-sanitizer factory had caught fire with thirty-two people inside, twenty already evacuated which left twelve more still inside, trapped. The sprinkler system was offline and there were flammables everywhere; it was basically a minefield inside.</p><p>Bobby assigned Buck with Hen and Chimney, taking Eddie with himself. Buck didn’t know which was worse; that he was being <em>stuck </em>with Chimney, or that he had to <em>separate</em> from Eddie.</p><p>As they began to file off to their assignments, Chimney tried with Buck one more time, “Buck.” He cut Chimney off swiftly, “Not now Chim.” Sighing, Chimney added, “You know you can’t run away from this forever right?”</p><p>Buck threw on a sinister smile, “Sure I can, it’s the Buckley-family way.” With that, he put his helmet on, walking away toward the flames.</p><p>They got into the building fairly easy, cutting the door open and hosing some of the flames down. Trudging forward, Buck hollered out that he saw some towels under a door-frame, most likely trying to keep the smoke from coming in. They busted the door down just as Bobby came over the coms saying that they had been separated from two of their teams, and were heading back out.</p><p>Buck was itching to be needed somewhere and there was already more than enough help where he stood. Hen looked to him with a seriousness, “You’re not wrong Buck, and I don’t say that to you very often.” He nodded at her in thanks and took off across the factory to offer his assistance. As he headed in the opposite direction, he heard Chimney call out, “Be careful!” <em>Not now Chim, not now. </em></p><p>Buck climbed up the ladders of the building, glowing yellow and orange flames surrounding him. The Cap in charge called out that they were evacuating the building as the structural integrity was no longer good. Buck knew there was still on person missing, one person to save.</p><p>Over his coms he told the Cap his concerns, but the Captain didn’t want to hear it; it wasn’t safe and he wanted Buck out, <em>now.</em></p><p>The flames grew higher around him, but he couldn’t get himself to leave. He <em>had</em> to find this person; it was as if his own life depended on it.</p><p>When he heard the metal clanking noises, he knew he was on the right track. He followed the sounds until he found the last person, alive thankfully. Buck pointed them toward their exit route, though they were quickly met with large flames flashing up before them. Steering them back the other way, they were met with the same fate—they were trapped, surrounded by blazing flames.</p><p>Buck spotted a platform from up above; they could make it across, but they <em>had</em> to hurry.</p><p>He ushered the man, Saleh, forward keeping them at a steady pace as they raced up and over to the platform. They were halfway across when an explosion erupted, knocking the whole frame down, tossing Buck and Saleh overboard.</p><p>Saleh was tossed off quickly while Buck was thrown into something metal, hitting his head on the way down. As he came to, his mind was foggy, the air in his lungs tight as he coughed. His thoughts went racing back to his past; he couldn’t escape it no matter how hard he tried.</p><p>He picked himself up, determined to save this man. There was just <em>one </em>problem; Saleh was now trapped under a large vat.</p><p>Buck tried to calm the man, reassuring him that he hadn’t given up. Though when the fiery orange flames rose behind them, Buck wasn’t so sure who his words were meant to comfort.</p><p>He turned back when Saleh breathed out, “Thank you for trying to save me.” Buck pushed and lifted, but the barrel wouldn’t budge. He called out through his radio where he thought they were in the building and that they were surrounded by the hand-sanitizer, which had ignited into bright flames all around them. The Captain let him know that they were on it, and they were trying to get the sprinklers back online. They had a rescue team on the way; Buck said they weren’t going anywhere.</p><p>The only place Buck wanted to go was out and he wasn’t leaving without the last survivor. Another explosion went off, setting even more fire to the building.</p><p>The flames around them were burning hot; if Buck didn’t get them out of here soon, the building was going to collapse.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Eddie</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Eddie had been on edge <em>all </em>day.</p><p>It started last night when Buck came over unannounced, a mess of emotions. It wasn’t unusual for Buck to just show up; Eddie had given him a key months ago. It was the way Buck appeared that threw Eddie off—broken and beaten down.</p><p>He hadn’t gotten much info out of him before the panic attack came on. Eddie hated seeing his best bud like that; it damn near broke him too.</p><p>Buck had mentioned something about having a brother who died when he was a baby, and then more came out this morning at work. Apparently Bucks brother had leukemia and his parents had Buck in hopes that he would be a bone-marrow match—he was, it just wasn’t enough. That in turn made Buck feel like he wasn’t good enough, like no one had ever loved him.</p><p>Eddie knew that was a lot for anyone to take on, especially Buck who wore his heart on his sleeve. He wished Buck would’ve stayed this morning so they could have talked more before he went and paraded his foul mood around the station.</p><p>Last night, when Chris came out, something in both of them calmed, liked all they needed was each other—just the three of them.</p><p>After he’d put Christopher back to bed, he went to check on Buck, placing a blanket over his settled frame. Eddie didn’t know why, but he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Bucks forehead over his mark. Everything about it felt right, but it couldn’t; Buck was his best friend and he couldn’t afford to lose him, not now.</p><p>~</p><p>He wished Bobby would’ve placed them together today so that he could’ve keep an eye on him, though they’d been separated instead. Buck would be safe with the other two, that much he knew, it was just that Buck needed extra support today and Eddie wanted to be the one to give it.</p><p>Bobby and him, along with some of the other firefighters on deck, helped to save a few of the remaining people. Once they were out, they met up with the rest of the 118, all but Buck that was.</p><p>“Where’s Buck?” Eddie all but demanded.</p><p>Chimney looked between them, puzzled, “We were just about to ask you the same.” Hen offered, “He split off when you lost two of your guys.”</p><p>Eddie was seconds from losing his damn mind when he heard Bucks husky voice ring out over the radio. It appeared that Buck had disobeyed a direct order to exit the building…no one was shocked.</p><p>Buck said he had the last victim but the sanitizer had ignited all around them. The sprinklers were still offline and Buck only had a vague idea of where he was located.</p><p>Eddie’s throat dried, his sudden adrenaline making his heart race. He’d been on a few close calls over the years with Buck and none of them got easier. The worst part was that he knew Buck was in pain, desperate for any distraction; it was probably what got him into this situation to begin with.</p><p>If Buck made it through this, Eddie would kill him himself. He regretted those words as glass shattered and a large ball of orange and purple flames lit up the night sky. The building was coming down fast; Buck didn’t have much time.  </p><p>With fear in his eyes, Eddie looked to his teammates who reciprocated his look of worry. If it were up to Eddie, he would’ve rushed into the building by himself, not waiting for any help. He wanted to save Buck though, so he had to be logical; he couldn’t help Buck if he got himself hurt or trapped.</p><p>The 118 made sure they were part of the rescue team—they looked after their own. Besides, Eddie wasn’t going to take no for an answer on this one; he knew Buck would do the same.</p><p>They found an entry point that was safe enough and they filed in just as the sprinklers clicked on. Fresh water rushed out from above them, squashing the flames below. Eddie breathed a small sigh of relief.</p><p>They moved on, trudging forward until they came upon their teammate and Eddie’s best friend. The last survivor, the one Buck had found, was on the floor, pinned under a large vat. Buck was pulling on a rope that he’d attached to various pieces from the building, using all of his weight to pull it off the man as water from the sprinklers ran down his bare face.</p><p>Eddie wanted to smack him right then and there for his carelessness in taking off his mask, but he would have to save him first.</p><p>The 118 piled onto the rope-line, tugging back roughly. Buck turned to see Eddie, his eyes going wide.</p><p>Eddie still had the urge to smack him, though something else came to mind in that moment; something that was definitely not meant to be shared in the presence of others.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Buck</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Buck stood up slowly, his blues searching the surrounding area. Saleh beckoned to him from down below, “What’re you looking for?”</p><p>He’d been a fire marshal once, well for a few weeks anyway; he knew there was supposed to be a fire extinguisher somewhere close. Once he spotted it, he felt a slight tinge of relief until he turned back to Saleh who wasn’t breathing very well. The next thing Buck did wasn’t quite reckless like the things he used to do as a teen, but it was right up there.</p><p>He did the <em>one </em>thing you should <em>never</em> do as a firefighter; he removed his mask from his face, placing it over Saleh. If Buck ran out of air, they would both be dead.</p><p>Holding his breath, Buck slid down a fallen ladder until he reached the extinguisher. Buck sprayed it everywhere it would reach; it faded out fast, the flames still rising in the distance.</p><p>Even with Bucks mask on, Saleh was beginning to fade. Buck was <em>desperate</em> to save this man as he got down on his hands and knees next to him. Suddenly, water showered down from above, wetting Bucks face as it washed some of the soot away.</p><p>Buck looked up, closing his eyes for just seconds. When he opened them, he grit his teeth, putting his last ounces of energy into action. He tied a rope off in several spots before throwing the anchored side over the fallen beam. Using <em>all</em> of his power and concentration, he pulled down on the rope, gasping and clenching his teeth as he went. It was a useless effort as his feet began to slide in the water.</p><p>He thought maybe he deserved this for all of his reckless behaviors then, and now. Buck didn’t want to die; all he wanted was someone to love him. He wanted to matter, but he was never going to get the chance trapped down here.</p><p>His boots dug into the ground below him as he gave his everything, his voice crying out in rage. When all hope was lost, Buck fell into the floor, his body giving out. His fists slammed into the ground as his breaths came out heated and choppy. He stayed there on his knees, not wanting to give up yet not knowing how to continue.</p><p>Without warning, he was being pulled up, the rope tugging into him.</p><p>The first thing he saw when he turned around was his best friend, his Eddie; for a moment, he could breathe again.</p><p>Using all of their combined strength, they were able to pull the vat up, setting Saleh free. The next several minutes were a blur to Buck, all happening in a rush. Before he knew it, he was free and sitting outside on the edge of an ambulance.  He was still sopping wet with smoke and ash littering his body. Bobby and Hen were checking in on him; he began to blame himself again. It wasn’t until Athena approached that he started to feel like himself.</p><p>She just knew Buck would get out and save that guy because he’s, well, Buck. He didn’t even know what that meant anymore. Athena looked him straight in the eyes, “You <em>never </em>give up. <em>That’s </em>what being Buck means to me.” He smiled at her weakly, not sure how to take her words just yet.</p><p>There was one person he hadn’t gotten the chance to see yet, and they locked eyes that very moment.</p><p>Eddie’s eyes were sad, heavy with frustration. Buck felt the disappointment looming over him again. His best friend bit at his lower lip, looking Buck over before he turned away quickly, heading out of sight.</p><p>It was then that Buck realized his face wasn’t just covered in water and grime but tears too; all of his pent-up feelings were finally releasing themselves—all it took was his best friend walking away.</p><p>~</p><p>After getting checked out at the hospital and cleared to go home, all Buck wanted was a nice, long, <em>hot</em>, shower.</p><p>He thought the shower would calm his nerves, but all it did was put him more on edge; he was restless. Before he even knew what he was doing, he slipped out his door, heading to the one place he always found comfort in.</p><p>Eddie answered on the second knock, looking freshly showered and as restless as Buck.</p><p>“I don’t know why I gave you a key if you’re not gonna use it.” Buck looked to him faintly, “I- I wasn’t sure if you still wanted me to have it or not.” Eddie scoffed, turning away from him slightly, “You’re an idiot.” Coming from Eddie that was usually an endearing term, though tonight Buck wasn’t so sure.</p><p>Buck hung his head low, defeat rising in him once more. Eddie pulled his face up roughly to meet his. He was gritting at the inside of his mouth, lips quivering as he spoke, “You could’ve <em>died</em> in there! What the hell were you <em>thinking</em>? And you took your mask <em>off</em>?!” Eddie went into a fit of Spanish that mostly flew over Bucks tired head. When he came down a little, he said, “<em>God</em> I wanted to smack you, you’re <em>such</em> an asshole sometimes.”</p><p>He watched as Eddie strode into the house, pacing as he went. Buck stepped inside cautiously, closing the door behind him as he waited for the next blow. When it didn’t come, Buck asked, “Why didn’t you? Hit me I mean.”</p><p>Eddie stared at him incredulously, “Because I <em>care</em> about you Buck. I actually give a <em>damn</em> about your life. Because you’re my <em>best friend</em> and because Christopher <em>loves you</em>.” Eddie paused, taking in a steady breath. He pushed it out slowly as he made his way to Buck, stopping just in front of him.</p><p>“Buck you’re not a disappointment, not to me. You’re<em> so</em> much more than just your parent’s son or your brother’s legacy.”</p><p>For the second time that night because of Eddie, tears welled in his eyes, threatening to fall out like a damn bursting at the seams.</p><p>Buck looked at him with as much intensity in turn, “But <em>why</em>?” I don’t understand how someone could care about me when all I do is fuckup”</p><p>Eddie laughed the way he usually did when he thought Buck was being an idiot. “So what? We <em>all </em>do. It doesn’t mean we should be treated any less.”</p><p>All Buck wanted to do was crawl into Eddie and never leave.</p><p>Eddie’s hands were gentle when they cradled Bucks face. “But if you need to know <em>why</em>, then I’ll tell you, because I hate seeing those beautiful bules <em>so </em>damn sad.”</p><p>Bucks lips pulled in as he shook his head lightly in response, “I do Eddie. Just- I just need to know why.”</p><p>Eddie’s hazel eyes skimmed over him carefully, looking thoughtful. “Because I love you pendejo.” And then more deliberately, “Because I’m <em>in</em> love with you.”</p><p>Buck lost the breath Eddie had given him back only hours ago. He gained it back when their lips crashed together, Eddie breathing deeply into him. This was something Buck had only imagined, never dreaming it would come true. Their lips fell into sync easily, fitting together perfectly.</p><p>They made their way to the bedroom, tugging and pulling at each other as they went. Buck stripped his shirt off to meet Eddie’s already bare chest. Eddie pushed him back onto the bed playfully, hovering over him before locking their lips together again.</p><p>Suddenly Buck gasped out, “Wait. Wait. Wait. Where’s Chris?” Eddie chuckled above him, “He’s with abuela tonight.” Buck breathed a slight sigh of relief. He felt Eddie snake a hand down between them as he bit at Bucks lips, whispering, “So don’t worry, you can be as <em>loud</em> as you want.”</p><p>Bucks brows rose; two could play that game. He flipped them over, pinning Eddie down between his thighs as he spread Eddie’s arms with their linked hands over his head. They took turns playing with each other, nipping and biting at their most sensitive spots. When there was finally nothing between them, they grinded their bodies together, creating an unbearable friction.</p><p>He let Eddie stay on top this time, feeling grounded and protected beneath him. Eddie trailed kisses down his jawline and all along his heated chest. Buck leaned up to grasp Eddie’s red stained lips with his own, sliding his tongue in smoothly. Their tongues twisted together while their bodies tangled into one.</p><p>It was unlike <em>anything</em> Buck had ever felt, and judging by the look on Eddie’s face, he felt it too. It was like finding your other half, matching <em>perfectly</em>; like finding your best friend and lover all in one.</p><p>Laying there after they’d shared every part of them, he still felt like a piece was missing.</p><p>Eddie was wrapped around his backside, spooning into Buck completely. Twisting slightly so their eyes met, Buck said, “I love you, Eddie Diaz.” Eddie smiled softly, a smugness playing at his lips. “Why?”</p><p>Buck looked to him incredulously; ok, he deserved that.</p><p>Something came to mind that he’d told Hen earlier. “I almost gave up. If you guys wouldn’t have came when you did…” he trailed off, letting Eddie infer the rest.</p><p>His green eyes caught Bucks blues, “But we did, and we always will, because we’re family. <em>You’re </em>my family Buck.” Buck kissed him chastely; Eddie pulled away slightly, “That still doesn’t answer my question though.”</p><p>Buck smirked his direction, “Because you’re my <em>best friend</em> and because I <em>love </em>your son.” He brought their foreheads together, breathing Eddie in slowly. “But mostly, it’s because you love me <em>anyway</em>.”</p><p>Eddie’s face beamed brightly at him; he didn’t have to explain because Eddie already knew. That was thing about loving your best friend; you knew every part of each other, the good, bad, and everything in-between.</p><p>Eddie pulled Buck tightly against him, linking their hands together at his front. He whispered softly against Bucks ear, “There’s <em>nothing</em> and <em>no one</em> that could ever make me stop loving you.”</p><p>Buck laced their fingers together securely; “That’s why.”</p><p>There was still a lot to be discussed with his sister and parents, Chimney too, but for tonight he would be with his other family—the one he’d created for himself. Tonight, he could just be Buck, and that meant he <em>never</em> gave up.</p><p>It wasn’t until he came inside this house that he realized where he was—he was finally home.</p><p> </p><p>‘<em>Cause if you don’t believe it, it can’t hurt you. </em></p><p>
  <em>And when you let it leave, it can’t hurt you.’</em>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading!! 💙</p><p>This is probably the longest stand-alone fic I've written and I have a feeling it won't be my last for these two (:</p><p>Find me on <a>tumblr</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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